I’ve worked here for three months. I’ve had minimal interaction with you in the workplace before your recent move into this cubicle neighborhood. What I’m trying to say is this: I don’t know you.
Therefore, interactions like the one we had today shouldn’t happen:
YOU: Did you hear my conversation on the telephone?
ME: No.
YOU: Good, I was trying to talk softly. I didn’t want anyone to hear what I was talking about. You didn’t hear, you’re sure, right?
ME: No.
YOU: Good. Because people really don’t need to know that I had sex last night finally after two years without any.
ME: (holding fingers in ears and singing the na na na song) I didn’t hear, and I don’t need to know this information.
YOU: HA HA HA HA. You’re so funny. It was incredible. I had forgotten how great sex is. He came over after work and…
And you kept talking. And I kept singing. And turned my chair around to face my monitor. And never looked at you again. And you didn’t stop until you were finished.
Now, I must say that a person can’t help but like you a little bit. You’re very personable. But here’s the thing: Shut the F-Heck up.
I hope you understand and appreciate your cooperation.
Now, go have happy sex and never, ever tell me about it again.
Sunny!
