I applaud your efforts to maintain good hygiene. I truly do. I like to see men taking care of themselves. I especially like to see well-groomed nose hair.
But it is a little disturbing for me, as your neighbor, to listen to your personal morning routine. The buzz of the electric razor, the splashing of after-shave, the nail clipping (how fast do your nails grow, by the way?), the aerosol (I don’t know what body part you’re spraying), something that’s I hope is an electric toothbrush, and then the gargling and spitting.
You may not know this, but most folks do these sorts of things in the privacy of their own bathrooms.
Rumor has it that you’re recently divorced and temporarily staying at a friend’s house. The gossipers seem to think that using your office space as a bathroom is acceptable under these circumstances.
“Aw, give him a break. He’s sort of homeless.”
I do not understand this giving of breaks. I think you’re a freak. Your friend has no bathroom? Even if you have to share one bathroom, I’m sure it could work.
Or, better yet, there are bathrooms here at work! Oh, my gosh, you could use one of those!! How ingenious of me to think of that!
But, I’ve been around neighboring freaks long enough to know that if you knew how bothered I was by your freakish behavior, you’d figure out a way to start showering next door. Then I’d end up getting hit by the stray sprinkles and lose my mind.
