Sunny D had all she could stand recently. I’ve mentioned Huey before, but a new issue came about and lasted over a month: Huey was sick. With the flu. One morning, he was on the phone to a friend:
“Yea, I’m in the office, but I’m going to call around today and try to get a doctor’s appointment. I feel like shit and it’s not going away. I know I have a temperature, man.”
Did Sunny D complain then? No, she didn’t. Should she have? Absolutely.
Huey never took a day off. He was out for a while one day, I assume at said doctor’s office. But for over a month, Huey coughed, sneezed, spit, sniffed, and grunted and gagged on his own snot in varying degrees but every day and all day.
In Week 3, Sunny D decided to do some calculations to distract her from the madness. In 15 minutes, there were 38 bodily function noises coming from his cubicle. That means, that for every 8-hour day, there are over 1200. You can imagine the effect this has on a person.
So, I threw a pack of Kleenex on his desk and said, “It’s a wacky new invention you might try.” He said thank you, but it didn’t really dawn on him what I meant by it.
In just a minute or two, Huey comes to my cubicle entrance. Says, “Ya know, if you have such issues with cubicle noise, maybe you should get a job where you can work in an office.”
Huey was going to try to insult Sunny D!!!! I couldn’t believe it.
So, I said: “That would be a good argument, except for two things: 1) No noise that comes out of you is office noise and 2) I’m not the only one complaining about you. People have complained about you before I got here and they probably will after I leave. But besides the usual noises and smells coming from you, your being sick in the office is inexcusable. You actually came in here to call your doctor one day! You’ve been sick for three weeks now because you refuse to stay home or take minimal precautions. And you choose to spread yourself all over this office. These are things that to most are normal common courtesy, normal ways to behave in public – and you are in public – your cubicle is not your kitchen, it is not your bedroom, it is not your bathroom as much as you seem to think it is.”
And do you know what Huey said? (Here is where you should sit down or take a shot of something alcoholic.)
“Well, I try to blow my nose but nothing comes out.” Something that might be said to your mother when you’re sick AND FIVE YEARS OLD.
Sunny D was speechless. For a second. “Again. Is that an appropriate thing to say in public and to a perfect stranger? What comes out of your nose is not my problem. Wait, I stand corrected. It IS my problem because YOU are my problem. And everyone else’s around you. So, thank you very much. We all thank you.”
He sat back down and I am happy to report that, since this minor confrontation, ol’ Huey has been on his best behavior. I hope it’s because he’s embarrassed, but I’m not sure he has that much of a thought process in him.
I actually thought of telling him how much I appreciate his newfound consideration with a gold star, but I feel like that would be rewarding him for how he should act in the first place.
Posted by Sunny Disposition 
